


coping

by bruised_fruit



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Skype, like barely smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 08:41:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11505753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bruised_fruit/pseuds/bruised_fruit
Summary: She had this… habit. She wasn’t proud of it, but there was that shitty yellow zircon, the one who mocked her win or lose… ah, there was her profile. A candid of her, like all pictures of gems in the index. She looked just as smug and gleeful as she always did in court.Fuck, Yellow was hot.--Our favorite defense attorney attempts to get off to a picture of Yellow after a stressful work day.





	coping

She had lost her case today. It wasn’t a common occurrence, and when it happened, Blue always took it hard. The gem would be shattered, and it was a stupid case to lose. They all were, really.

She wasn’t angry about it, not like she used to be. It had been going on for too long. She just kind of... hurt. 

Blue was in her quarters and alone, pulling up the files for her next case. She didn’t cry, she couldn’t waste time like that. But it was hard to focus.

Stars, even the prosecutor seemed to feel bad about the outcome of this one. Prosecuting zircons didn’t tend to… genuinely emote. Or experience compassion.

But this one did have the decency to give her a concerned look while the defendant was dragged away, desperate and screaming. _Fuck._ Her eyes burned, the familiar feeling in her throat building. _Don’t fucking cry_.

What else could she think of? Distraction could help her here, but it was such an immature way to deal with these kinds of everyday nightmares. It was the only effective way for her, though, so. She tried to reflect on good parts of the day. None, really.  
  
Maybe just the fact that the zircon who had won the case was capable of being concerned about her and about the gem who had been obliterated due to Blue’s uselessness. That winning wasn’t the point of a trial when a gem’s existence was on the line for someone else, for once. That some other gem could relate to her feelings. But it was probably fleeting, a moment of support, not real sorrow.

After all, prosecutors on Homeword didn’t care about preserving a gems life, and most would never act sympathetic in any way toward the defense, especially Blue. They tended to be consistently cruel or at least motivated to win, even if a gem was going to be shattered at the end of a case. One of the most successful prosecutors and a prime example of what Blue regularly faced was a yellow zircon a couple millennia her superior. Blue had encountered her on a few prior cases and in many stories from her fellow defense attorneys, and she was half awed, half afraid of Yellow. She was terrifying, and in their few interactions, almost unprofessional in her over the top conduct toward Blue. She was certainly more concerned about fulfilling her duties to the court than anything, and it paid off.

Her reputation preceded her. It was rare that the gem would lose, and Yellow was an enormous sycophant, yet also extraordinarily confident in her own abilities. She seemed quick on her feet, and had a reputation among defense attorneys for being cruel in court, infamous for her last ditch tactic to get the defense as off her guard as possible, then berate and mock her no matter which way the case turned. And she was especially good at that. No one wanted a case against this zircon.  
  
When Blue first had the, well, not exactly pleasure, but… experience of meeting her, Yellow nearly cackled at her. Blue’s appearance wasn’t particularly atypical (maybe her hair was shaped a bit odd, and her cravat's irregular shape set her apart), but still, Blue was taken aback by the way Yellow had treated her. The typical mocking from another zircon usually involved comments about her demeanor, her nervousness that came through when she was overwhelmed or knew she wasn’t making the strongest of points. But Yellow had a special way of approaching her that followed Blue more than she'd admit.  
  
Maybe, Blue sometimes flattered herself by thinking, Yellow saw something in her that made her view her as more of a threat than other zircons. Or the prosecutor saw her as an individual, her personal qualities more important to criticize and mock than the way she did her job and presented herself to the diamonds. Zircons could be petty, but this one took pleasure in attacking Blue... it was downright mean, and it hurt, a little, but the way she seemed so validated and amused just by poking fun at another zircon, especially given how respected a prosecutor she was, made it just a bit more bearable for Blue when she was reflecting on their interactions. It was nice to imagine some underlying reason why such an important gem singled her out like this.

And, pressingly, thinking about Yellow was much better than thinking about the gems she'd let die. She could move onto her next case in a moment.

Zircons weren’t supposed to be emotional and weak-willed like lower ranking gems. And they certainly weren’t supposed to be critical thinkers or decisive beyond their jobs. For Blue, all that should matter was winning, appeasing her diamond, and serving the gems she was assigned… Blue’s stomach twisted and she jerked herself out of her mind. _Just stop, don’t think. Don’t process, it’s better not to. It will keep happening, it’s beyond your control._  
  
You’re only partially responsible.

Blue looked back at the case files. Something about a quartz mouthing off, the worst possible punishment if they lost wasn’t shattering, so. Maybe she could take a quick break. 

She had this… habit. She wasn’t proud of it, but there was that shitty yellow zircon, the one who mocked her win or lose… ah, there was her profile. A candid of her, like all pictures of gems in the index. She looked just as smug and gleeful as she always did in court.  
  
Fuck, Yellow was hot.  
  
Blue phased off her clothes. _Nothing new, really_ , she thought, pulling the tablet closer to get a better look at Yellow’s face. But she could never tire of it.  
  
She was sick. If anyone knew, she’d probably be shattered. But she couldn’t help it.

Yellow was such a bitch to her, so gleeful when things went her way, and so wonderful and talented. It was cute. It was _wonderful_. And _fuck_ , she probably looked so good when she came. Blue’s hand went to her clit at the thought, brushing tentatively before pressing over her opening. _Just get this over with and be done_ , she reminded herself, flinching as she bumped the tablet into her nose by accident.

She could do this quickly, but she was enjoying it too much, she always did, and she hated herself for it. Blue pushed a finger in and let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding. 

Every time she touched herself, she couldn’t help but remind herself that Yellow would feel so much better. _Oh stars, don't think about that._ Blue added a second finger, jaw set, and rubbed at her g-spot. She thinks about Yellow again, intently, because she's not very strong-willed. She'd look so beautiful, she knows it deep in her thoracic cavity. And the _noises_ she’d make would be so perfect, for sure. She’d love to see a gem like that come undone, knowing it was because of her.  
  
She hated these moments, genuinely. She just wanted to get off and be done, and she rubbed herself faster and stared and Yellow’s upper lip. _Perfect,_  she thought dreamily, before catching herself _. Or no. Just don’t think. Just get off._  
  
Last time, she came just looking at her fucking gem, so this was an improvement on some level. Blue looked at Yellow’s eyes, then hurriedly looked back at her mouth. Everything about Yellow was so intense, all the time, even in the index image of her.  
  
But of course, this wasn’t ideal... something about it seemed so off compared to real life. Yellow was so perfect, and this picture on Blue’s screen barely captured that. Maybe it was the fact that she couldn’t even see the texture of her skin, that chaotic energy that was always radiating from her, or the look in her eyes when she was poking fun at Blue. Stars, it felt good to get attention from her, even bad. And her voice…  
  
Blue moaned, picking up the pace. She was being more gratuitous than she usually was with herself, but it felt good, and it would be over soon. The sounds she was making almost hurt to hear, but she just fucked herself harder, hungrily staring at the picture of Yellow. She knew it was wrong to do this, definitely wrong, shatterably wrong, but she _needed_ it.

 _Just fucking come already_ , she thought at herself, pushing her hips up slightly to give her fingers better access. This felt good. This was good.

Truth be told, she was pretty unconvinced. Before, during, and after, she had a good enough sense of herself to know that this never truly helped the mess in her brain. But it felt good, even if she could never fully convince herself to let go of everything (least of all guilt and fear). Blue was nearing her climax, so she shut her eyes so she wouldn’t be staring at Yellow’s face when she came. _Fuck. Fuuck-_ her monocle pinged, and Blue extracted her hand in alarm. She let the tablet fall and dissipate, Yellow’s smug expression dissolving along with it.  
  
Blue phased her clothes on quickly while sitting up with a start. She pulled a new tablet from her monocle to answer the call, and as the other gem materialized, she breathily said, “How may I assist you?”  
  
Then she balked. _Fuck. What?_

Yellow Zircon, _the_ Yellow Zircon, materialized, smiling nearly the same as she did after reminding her that she has 2000 years of experience in the court on her and would undoubtable win the case. But it was a bit softer. It was weird.  
  
Blue held the tablet back a bit, still flushed and shakey from her near-orgasm.  
  
“Um, yes?” she said, uncomfortably aware that Yellow was silent. And that she had just been trying to get off to a fucking picture of her.  
  
“Ah, yes… Blue. Just wanted to call. You know, check in.” Blue raised her eyebrows.  
  
“Okay. Um. Why…?” 

Yellow made a face. “I…” she started, “Stars, don’t make me spell- I mean…” Yellow was averting her eyes now. It was very out of character. It was a little cute, Blue allowed herself to think, even though she'd normal exhibit some fucking self-restraint. “I just wanted to know how you’re doing, I heard what happened today.”

There was a pause as Blue balked a little. Why would Yellow care? What was happening here, was it a joke?   
  
“I was trying to forget about it.”  
  
“Ah, of course.” Yellow sat back a bit, then clasped her hands together. “That’s certainly for the best.”  
  
Another pause.  
  
Yellow was staring at her from the tablet’s screen. This was the worst. And since when was she _nice_ like this?

“I always assumed defense zircons had some magical way to deal with losing.”

Win or lose, Blue always assumed Yellow went back to her quarters and patted herself on her back for being excellent.

Blue blinked. That didn’t matter right now. Blue still didn’t know what to say, how to respond to this, really. She was so fucking exhausted. And horny, to the point that it hurt a bit.

“Are you just rubbing this in, Yellow?” She wouldn’t put it past her.  
  
Yellow made a noise, and looked back at Blue again. It almost seemed like they were in the room together for all Blue wanted to shrink away from her gaze. “What do you take me for, Blue?! I just- I heard they shattered the ruby, I know how hard you take that.”  
  
Silence.  
  
“ _What?”_  

Blue stared at Yellow, who looked uncharacteristically uncomfortable for a moment.  
  
“You know. You always seem... devastated.” She shifted. “And I know it’s not just about the case when you- the way your face looks. You express a lot. In general.” Yellow smiled thinly, her eyes dead.

“I…  All defense zircons are like that,” Blue lied. “And since when would you care? The way you treat me even when a gem is about to be-” she stopped herself.

Yellow took a breath and, seeming like she was regretting this call, said curtly, “You need a reason to look like such a fucking mess in front of everyone.”  
  
Blue made an angry noise, and Yellow’s eyes ran over her.  
  
“Your gem is glowing, Blue.” Blue slammed her palm against it, blushing. _Fuck. This whole time?! Diamonds, what is_ wrong _with me._

Yellow didn’t seem embarrassed or even smug about it. It was out of character. Blue was mortified enough to ignore how uneasy Yellow was making her. “I- um- sorry, I don’t know why… sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Yellow said. But she certainly wasn’t at ease.  
  
“A-are you finished with this?” Blue asked, her hand still pressed over her gem. They looked at each other for a few seconds, silence hanging in the air, then Yellow grabbed her tablet and pulled it close, so only her face was on Blue’s screen. _Stars_ …

“Not completely. So you’re okay?” she asked again, her voice soft and all weird. Blue flushed. 

“I’m not incompetent,” she mumbled, but memories flooded her, not just of the ruby she had been defending but of hundreds of other gems who were destroyed. Because of the diamonds, the prosecutor, their crime or the accusation alone, because of her, completely gone or harvested.  
  
And it hurt, it was the nightmare she’d face nearly every case, and increasingly so as she climbed the ranks and took more and more high profile ones.  
  
She didn’t need to feel this right now. Blue looked up at Yellow, whose face was blank as she stared at her through the screen. She probably looked pitiful, still covering her stupid gem and on the verge of tears.

“What about _you?_ ” Blue asked. “I’m sure this was a great day for you, the most accomplished prosecuting zircon in Yellow’s court.”  
  
“It’s not like that for us, you know that.” Yellow said flatly. “Prosecutors accept what must happen.   
  
“Of course, I seek to please my diamond,” she continued, holding the screen at an angle as she examined the back of her hand, “but everything a gem does is out of necessity. Except crying and doing whatever you were doing before I called,” she added, an edge to her tone as she looked back to Blue. “You’re practically an organic.”  
  
“Don’t tell anyone,” Blue said, her voice small.  
  
Yellow scoffed. “Of course not, it’s not like I care.” But she did, maybe. “Um… is it really _still_ glowing?” Blue’s hand hadn’t left her gem. She nodded, slow. Again, fucking mortifying. 

And somehow, this wasn't killing it for her. Somehow... There was just something so good about Yellow, and hearing her talk like this wasn’t easing the tension she’d been feeling in any way. 

And it wouldn’t be glowing at all if she hadn’t been looking at a picture of her. Stupid.

“Mine would have gone out by now,” Yellow mumbled, and then her eyes widened, almost comically. “I mean, um. Never mind. It’s late. I should go.”  
  
“Wait, what was that?” Blue asked, leaning in to her screen. Yellow’s face was flushing, and miraculously, she was sweating almost as much as Blue did when she was in court with the esteemed prosecutor.  
  
“Nothing. Clod. Joke. Bad joke,” Yellow managed, looking like she was about to hang up.  
  
“Wait,” Blue said, her voice soft. She dropped her hand, and Yellow held eye contact for a few seconds before lowering her eyes to her gem.  
  
She was blushing _so much_ , this was crazy. Had any other gem seen Yellow like this before? Blue felt important.

And something else.

“How do you cope, Yellow?”

“Cope?” Yellow responded, the pitch of her voice increasing. “I- why would I-” Yellow managed, but stopped, her shoulders slouching and her eyes still on Blue’s gem.  

Blue raised her eyebrows. She was so tired, but of course, Yellow had to be as well. They both had work to do.

“You didn’t exactly make your job sound bearable.”  
  
“ _Bearable?_ I live to serve my diamond, Blue. Any competent zircon puts her emotional concerns behind her.” A pause. “Out of necessity.” Yellow was looking somewhere else now.  
  
“I guess it really is a universal thing, then,” Blue said, careful.   
  
“Yes,” Yellow said. “Universal. Do what you must, do a good job for your diamond. Be just…” Her eyes ran over Blue, and she smiled.

“Shall I go, Blue?” Probably a jab at her stupid gem, the flush on her face. But Yellow looked worse. 

“Yellow… are you okay?” Who would check in with a gem like this? Something flashed across Yellow’s face, and Blue continued, “You know, I’m glad that you called. Thanks for thinking of me, even if it’s treasonous to want the best for gems of even the lowest rank.” She smiled, not unkindly, and put the tablet down. Yellow was looking at ceiling now, and Blue hugged herself. It felt a little better with her gem out out Yellow's line of sight.  
  
“Blue,” Yellow said, her voice small, “You know I don’t think you’ve ever done anything wrong, really. But it was wrong of me to call you. I’m sorry. We don’t need to speak of this again.” Blue leaned over her tablet, staring at Yellow. The glow of her gem was finally dying down, even though she still ached.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Blue said. Yellow looked so foreign right now.  
  
She looked lost. She looked… scared.

She looked at Blue. “I’m always okay, Blue.” There was no bravado there.  
  
Maybe this was the most uncomfortable part of the night.

Blue practically pressed her nose to the screen (a common occurrence). Oddly enough, this was the closest she’d really been to Yellow’s face. It was probably an ugly angle, but Yellow had seen much worse of her.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Yellow said.  
  
“Like what?”

Yellow looked frustrated. “Look, I know you don’t like when gems shatter. I fucking- I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. But apparently you manage much better than I do, even though your job is so much harder and I just. I’m sorry, I thought I could be helpful. But now we’re just both behind on work. I’ll go.” She hung up and the tablet disintegrated a second after the screen went blank.

 _Manage… better…_ Blue shook her head. _What was that?_

And why was Yellow so kind to her? Blue wanted to think about it. She wanted to. But she couldn’t, and her brain hurt so much. Yellow was so complicated. Just like she had hoped for in the back of her mind.  
  
Habit.  
  
She pulled a new tablet out of her monocle and brought up the image again. It almost looked like a drawing compared to the Yellow that was on her screen just a minute ago. Was that the first genuine emotion she had seen of the zircon? And she _learned_ things about her too, maybe... She cared about Blue? She was just as flawed as her?  
  
Fuck, Blue loved her so much, if she was allowed to think that.

Yellow certainly wouldn’t allow for those kinds of thoughts. Blue phased the tablet away and brought up a couple more for tomorrow’s case.  


**Author's Note:**

> Wah...


End file.
